Discordian Wiki
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Who He Might Be[]

Ben-Hur Sturgeon is a long-lived member, reportedly real, of the Discordian Tribe of Primates. So it is said.

He has a long and storied career in the service of Our Lady. But much of the actual details are lost in time. Sorta like pissing on the sand. Sure, you can draw nice designs with careful urine placement, but try to go back and look at that work of art, say in a week. It will gone and only the memory will remain. (And that is assuming that the memory is a real memory rather than one implanted into your head by someone or something else).

Ben does what he does as pure Bhakti Yoga. Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!

He has always known to be a Strange Attractor in the metaphysical sense, and he shares an attribution/correspondence to Bitch Magnet - which only goes to show that he and his Lady were destined to be together...at least in some sense.


Ben-Hur Sturgeon chose his holy name due to the cloudy interpretations on what the name means or signifies.

It could mean: Son of White Linen (as differentiated from Knights in White Satin)

It could mean Quantum of the Noble Cavern of Violent Heat.


K-52 generator trailer

Ben likes chariots. He has his Go-to-Meeting Chariot and his Super-charged Off Road ATC (All terrain Chariot.)

It's called a Ben-Hur Trailer, but anyone with an ounce of Wisdom, can see that it is a chariot. And it's made by, oh you are gonna love this! It was made by the Ben-Hur Manufacturing Company. Any relation? Your guess is as good as mine or perhaps hers or his or that strange shaped object laying over there.

Some Serious Thoughts about Him[]

Based on fast breaking news, news you can use, it may be allegedly thought that Ben-Hur Sturgeon may be a bit, well, you know, gauche. This gaucheness does not interfere with the Goddesspell Truth which follows.

Scriptorium Dialogue[]

We are so please to have in our Scriptorium, Pope MoFoSisBro St. Ben-Hur Sturgeon. He has agreed to chat with us a little regards to Discordianism, Eris and special projects that are currently in the works.

SCRIBE: Ben, many might be interested in how exactly you found the Goddess. Can you tell us a little of the early days?

BHS: The early days, Barbara? More like the early daze. I was a young man, living a life, having been part of an ongoing process of INDOCTRINATION, TRAINING, SOCIETAL PLACEMENT OF BOUNDARIES, LIMITS OF ACCEPTABILITY, AND CONFORMITY. I was unknowing, uncaring. Then I read the words. I read the words, the RAW words. It was like dropping acid but in letter form. The RAW words coursed through the unused parts of my head, and all these unconnected parts started ticking and connecting while others disconnected. I had my very first INFESTATION. Yea, verily, I became as like unto STONED, without the SMOKE! Knowledge slowly percolated into my pineal gland and caused my head to buzz.

The rest of my life has been spent trying to stop that damned buzzing.

SCRIBE: You have been associated with a number of Discordian organizations since that event. Care to tell us a bit about them?

BHS: Matt, some of the early history is disclosed in articles in this very Wiki. You should look 'em up. But I can tell you that my first gig was as a minor disfunctionary with a Discordian Order of the House of Apostles of Eris....can't remember that Order's name, but I remember the High Priest, Gothmog. I think he might have been a hippy at some point in his life. And I was involved with YARF - Young Americans for Real Freedom. Very hazy, but fun.

SCRIBE: Tell us about your association with this Wikia.

BHS: Diane, I wandered the e-ways and found this Holy Place. It wasn't high tech gloss like some others but it had a strong homegrown feel. Some of my best spices are homegrown. And at that point I was FEVERISH to move the words. I HAD TO MOVE THE WORDS OUT OF MY HEAD! And it was cool cuz the wacked out stuff I wrote wasn't deleted. For that reason alone, this ranks right up there as good stuff.

SCRIBE: But you disappeared for a number of years. What were you doing?

BHS: What is this Geraldo, the third degree? NOYB - None of Your Business. Whatta ya think about that, scooter? Whatever you think I was doing and with whom is solely conjecture. You can't prove a thing.

SCRIBE: No, I'm not asking the question like that. I want to know what you were doing Discordian-wise during that time.

BHS: George, The BUZZING IS BACK, THE WORDS ARE PILING UP IN MY PINEAL GLAND AND I NEED RELEASE! And since I've accepted some heavy spiritual responsibilities, I came back here, where the vomituous volume of words from my mouth to the page really started.

SCRIBE: What do you think of the changes since last you were here?

BHS: Well, Charlie, its a funny story. My friend, Mag5 has set up a Discordian Micronation, Tar Shakan, and we were sitting around, not drinking or smoking or anything, honest, just talking about ideas to beef up membership. And like a well placed gulik, the idea was there. Tar Shakan is medieval-discordian in nature. How to find kindred souls to partake in its pleasures?

We both were aware of that paramilitary organization, the Society for Creative Anachronisms and their peculiar medieval bent. What were the odds that there might be an SCA person who was also a Discordian? I did a little research and found the name Miley Spears. Now SYNCHRONICITY ABOUNDS! I swear it on a pile of Hempscript, Goddess be my witness, the very next day I returned back to Wikia of origins and saw the name Miley Spears. The very next day!

But it appears that she might be one of THEM. She and that Pope Hildegard are part of the Discordian American Princess and Pineapple People invasion! I think that's some type of crisis, my attention span isn't the best unless I'm SPRAYING HER WORDS, HAIL UNTO THEE, ERIS! So I guess it falls to me to participate once again. (sigh)

SCRIBE: Qualities like Genius, Courageous, Clever, Trail Blazer, Stalwart have been used to describe other people, but never attributed to you. What difference can you make?

BHS: Well, all I know, Ellen, is that "A stitch in time saves nine." But 2 fives equal 10 and Ten beats nine every time. Hey, gotta go, my Adderall is wearing off. Hasta later dude/dudette.