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Brenton clutterbuck dalton hayes

Brenton Clutterbuck as himself (left) and as Clyde Barrow impersonator Dalton Hayes (right).

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Cover issue 10
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Brenton Clutterbuck is a self-described gonzo anthropologist and heir to the Earldom of Greyface. He is primarily known in Discordian circles for starting the Chasing Eris project, traveling around the world interviewing Discordians in search of his beloved Eris.

His story[]

John, Lord Clutterbuck, the heir to the 6th Earldom of Greyface, and his pregnant wife Lady Alice of Wonderland were held captives on a pirate ship. The ship flew a flag with a pentagon on one side and a golden apple on the other. After fleeing the Imperial Navy, the pirates shipwrecked on the Australian coast, and John and Alice were able to escape. John built a secret home in the trees, and Alice gave birth to a son, Brenton.

John and Alice survived largely on berries, wild roots, and a variety of the herb frop (Habifropzipulops mariphasa lupina) they called "Happy weed" (Habifropzipulops oxyuranus scutellatus). Brenton survived largely on squirting breasts. The couple was found and recaptured by the pirates. Still under the affects of happy weed, they forgot about their infant son. John, Alice, and the pirates returned to sea.

A group of great apes investigated the commotion. After the pirates left, the curious apes visited the treehouse. These were the Quinkin or Yowie apes, related to the Yeti. One female of the group, Kalista, who was carrying her dead infant, heard the cries of the infant human in his crib. She adopted the boy and raised him as a member of the Yowie, naming him "Dalton Hayes" (Yowie for "naked ape found in treehouse"). Brenton's parents later returned, but finding the crib empty, assumed the worst: they believed their son had been taken by Discordians.

At age five, Dalton was still trying to fit in with his ape family. When a dingo pack attacked, he learned how to swim to evade it while another ape was killed.

At age 12, Dalton discovered the treehouse in which he lived as a baby with his mother and father. He found a book the pirates had left. It had a picture on the cover of a beautiful woman holding a golden apple. He thought her the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and decided to find her. He searched for years, to no avail.

Years later, international explorer Adam Shea Wilson Thornley Comstock-Swabey of London Newport Hill was traveling with a band of adventurers along the Palm River. Disgusted by their boorish nature and love of 'blood and sport,' for sport he killed them. Impressed with his efforts, the ape-man Dalton exposed himself to him, and they had a fine time.

Deducing the identity of the ape man from items left in the treehouse, the explorer took him to the family estate at Greyface. The explorer also told Dalton the name of the woman painted on the cover holding a golden apple was Jane (which translates into Yowie as "Eris.")

Now renamed Brenton, he was treated as a novelty by the local social set, but some of his behaviour was seen as threatening and chaotic. This included having "parties" with the maids and butlers in the parlor, inviting the royal guard to foam parties, and firing pumpkins at the royal palace. Unable to assimilate to the Greyface society that he viewed as cruel, Brenton left civilization to travel to America. He envisioned finding the woman so they could form a duo that would bring down the strictures of civilization as did Bonnie and Clyde. He used his new funds to continue his search internationally for the woman he saw on the cover of the book Principia Discordia. To this day, heQotus chasing Eris (but only Intermittenly).

He now teaches philosophy and human rights at Perth Bay State Highschool, Perth.


"I think Kerry sincerely told his truth in those interviews, which cannot be separated from the fact that he appeared to be in very serious decline in his mental health" - Brenton's opinion on Lord Omar.

Wikipedia This page uses content from Wikipedia. The original article was full of lies and obfuscation as promulgated by Greyface (including, but not limited to, links to nowhere and the usage of non-existent templates), and can be seen at Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes. Special care should be made to ensure that this article is Truth. The list of Wikipedian authors can be seen in the page history. As with Discordian Wiki, the text of Wikipedia is available under the GNU Free Documentation License.