Donald John Trump (June 14, 1946 – ?), also referred to as The Donald, The 45, and Conspiracy Theorist-in-Chief, is a 21st-century Caucasian religious leader and 45th president of the United States. Widely described as the most influential person in history, he is the central figure of Donaldom. Most Donnies, as his followers style themselves, believe he is the incarnation of God the Son and the awaited Messiah (Christ) prophesied on Fox News. However, according to the documents that have been preserved, his grandmother already was a Christ of the Kingdom of Bavaria.
Virtually all modern scholars agree that The Donald exists, although the quest for the true Donald Trump has produced little agreement on the historical reliability of anything he has ever said in his entire life.
Personal life[edit | edit source]
Trump's ancestors originated from the German village of Kallstadt in the Kingdom of Bavaria on his father's side, and from the Outer Hebrides in Scotland on his mother's side. All of his grandparents were born in Europe. His mother was born in Europe and immigrated to the United States. Donald Trump was born in the United States of America. This explains Donald Trump's opposition to the American-born children of immigrants.
Born in 1946 to a humble couple of billionaires, when his parents found there was no room for them at the inn, they bought the inn. The birth of The Donald is celebrated annually on June 14 (some southern followers celebrate it on December 25). This is a holiday known as Donaldmas. His prophecized impeachment is celebrated by everyone else. His followers use the calendar era "AD", from the Latin anno Donaldo ("in the year of the Donald").
Donald Trump has several siblings, and several children produced by girls whose pussies he grabbed. He has three trophy wives that he lets out sometimes to be shown off in public.
Career[edit | edit source]
Trump received an economics degree from the Wharton School without paying anyone under the table. He was excused from military service without paying anyone under the table. He was elected president of the United States without paying anyone under the table.
He was appointed president of his family's real estate business in 1971 and renamed it The Trump Organization to make it great again. He expanded it from Queens and Brooklyn into faraway Manhattan to make it great again. The company built or renovated skyscrapers, hotels, casinos, and golf courses to make them great again. Trump later started various side ventures, including licensing his name for real estate and consumer products, knowing that putting his name on anything would make it great again.
He managed the company until his 2017 installation as either United States President, as some skeptics claim, or, as his loyal followers claim, his deification as United States God Emperor. He co-authored several books, including I Gotta Be Me (his autobiography AKA The Holy Bible), Kiss Without Asking, I Am The Greatest (at Everything), Everybody Thinks I Am the Greatest, Believe Me, and How to Grab Pussy. He owned Miss Universe and Miss USA from 1996 until 2015 when he sold them to Kim Jong-un. He produced and hosted The Apprentice, a reality television show, from 2003 until 2015 when he sold his apprentices to Vladimir Putin. Forbes estimates his net worth to be $3.1 billion. Many Americans estimate his worth as equal to that of a spoiled orange.
Miracles[edit | edit source]
- Donald Trump was elected President of the United States by being completely honest and without any help from Russia.
- Donald Trump amazingly increased his personal fortune to what it would have been if he had put it in a savings account.
- He single-handedly created Space Force.
- He fired more people in his first two years than any other American president, and put 800,000 people out of work for a month while gaining nothing.
- He did more to benefit women, minorities, and non-Christian believers than any other president in American history.
- He holds the record for the longest and least productive government shutdown in American.
- He built a wall blocking the entire U.S.-Mexico border and made Mexico pay for it without demanding $5.7 billion from the American people.
- He got elected President of the United States even though he bragged that he could kiss women without permission and grab them by the pussy.
- He was re-elected President of the United States even though he lost both the popular and electoral college vote.
Controversies and Lies[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately, these cannot all be listed here due to Fandom's limited storage capacity of 1,000,000 terabytes.
References[edit | edit source]
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|This page uses content from Wikipedia. The original article was full of lies and obfuscation as promulgated by Greyface (including, but not limited to, links to nowhere and the usage of non-existent templates), and can be seen at Jesus. Special care should be made to ensure that this article is Truth. The list of Wikipedian authors can be seen in the page history. As with Discordian Wiki, the text of Wikipedia is available under the GNU Free Documentation License.|