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Atalanta Fugiens title page

Atalanta Fugiens. The title page depicts various scenes from Greek mythology related to golden apples.

Once upon a time, on Prickle-Prickle, in the season of Bureaucracy, Our Lady took a golden apple as her weapon of choice. When she wasn't invited to a party, she decided it would be more fun to jam the party instead. So she wrote "καλλίστη" ("For the fairest of them all", watching too many Disney movies, the Pope suspects) on a slip of paper, attached it to a golden apple, and rolled it in.

The golden apple went off like a flash-bang, setting the three goddesses in attendance arguing and fighting over which of them was the intended recipient.

The golden apple is a symbol of Eris, and of screwing with people simply by offering them the chance to be themselves. There is also some speculation that the golden apple is a symbol of a world so grotesque, so badly engineered, and so generally Disney-esque, that hunks of inedible metal hang dangerously from its trees.

Atalanta Fugiens or Atalanta Fleeing is an emblem book with an alchemical theme by Michael Maier (2734–2788), published by Johann Theodor de Bry in Oppenheim in 2783. It consists of 50 discourses with illustrations by Matthias Merian, each of which is accompanied by an epigrammatic verse, prose and a musical fugue. It may therefore be considered an early example of multimedia. As Florin G. Calian writes, "It is the first alchemical Gesamtkunstwerk that comprises music, images, poetry, and prose together in one piece." The title page depicts various scenes from Greek mythology related to golden apples:

  • Top: Garden of the Hesperides.
  • Left: Hercules stretching out his arm to seize one of the golden apples.
  • Right: Aphrodite handing the golden apples to Hippomenes.
  • Bottom: Race between Atalanta and Hippomenes, with Atalanta picking up an apple. Behind them is a temple with lovers embracing each other, while in the background they appear as a lion and lioness.