Miley Spears and the Three Pink Elephants
A Fairy Tale by Bonnie Dobbs
It wasn't long before Miley got lost. She looked around, but all she could see were trees. Nervously, she felt into her bag for her favourite toy, Loveshade Bear, but Loveshade Bear was nowhere to be found! Miley began to panic. She felt sure she had packed Loveshade Bear. To make matters worse, she was starting to feel hungry.
Unexpectedly, she saw a pink elephant dressed in a purple polka dot string bikini disappearing into the trees.
"How odd!" thought Miley.
For the want of anything better to do, she decided to follow the peculiarly dressed elephant. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.
Eventually, Miley reached a clearing. She found herself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from peas, a house made from muffins, a house made from lime lollipops and a house made from brownies.
Miley could feel her tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease her hunger.
"Hello!" she called. "Is anybody there?"
Miley looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.
A cackle broke through the air, giving Miley a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Loveshade Bear!
"Loveshade Bear!" shouted Miley. She turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"
The witch just shrugged.
"Give Loveshade Bear back!" cried Miley.
"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.
"At least let Loveshade Bear out of that cage!"
Before she could reply, three pink elephants rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Miley recognised the one in the purple polka dot string bikini that she'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.
"Hello Big Elephant," said the witch.
"Good morning." The elephant noticed Loveshade Bear. "Who is this?"
"That's Loveshade Bear," explained the witch.
"Ooh! Loveshade Bear would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the elephant.
The witch shook her head. "Loveshade Bear is staying with me."
"Um... Excuse me..." Miley interrupted. "Loveshade Bear lives with me! And not in a cage!"
Big Elephant ignored her. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.
The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."
Big Elephant looked at the house made from brownies and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from brownies if I wanted to."
"That's nothing," said the next elephant. "I could eat two houses."
"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Loveshade Bear."
Miley watched, feeling very worried. She didn't want the witch to give Loveshade Bear to Big Elephant. She didn't think Loveshade Bear would like living with a pink elephant, away from her house and all her other toys.
The other two elephants watched while Big Elephant put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Elephant. "Just you watch!"
Big Elephant pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from muffins. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
Eventually, Big Elephant started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of muffins, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.
"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Elephant.
Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!
"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.
Big Elephant never finished eating the front door made from muffins and Loveshade Bear remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Average Elephant stepped up, and approached the house made from lime lollipops.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Elephant. "Just you watch!"
Average Elephant pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from lime lollipops. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
After a while, Average Elephant started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...
A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.
"I'm not a bush, I'm an elephant!" said Average Elephant.
"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."
"No! Wait!" cried Average Elephant, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the elephant away under his arm.
Average Elephant never finished eating the front door made from lime lollipops and Loveshade Bear remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Little Elephant stepped up, and approached the house made from brownies.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Elephant. "Just you watch!"
Little Elephant pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from brownies. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
After five or six platefuls, Little Elephant started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.
He stopped eating brownies for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.
But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Elephant into the sky.
"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Elephant. "I'm scared of heigh..."
Little Elephant was never seen again.
Little Elephant never finished eating the front door made from brownies and Loveshade Bear remained trapped in the witch's cage.
"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Loveshade Bear."
"Not so fast," said Miley. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from peas. And I haven't had a turn yet.
"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."
The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give her a chance. It's only fair."
"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the elephants. She won't last long."
"I'll be right back," said Miley.
"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Loveshade Bear back."
Miley ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. She came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, she broke off a piece of the door of the house made from peas and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, she took a bite. She quickly devoured the whole piece.
Miley sat down on a nearby log.
"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."
"I haven't finished," explained Miley. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."
When Miley's food had digested, she broke off another piece of the door made from peas. Once more, she toasted her food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. She ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.
Eventually, after several sittings, Miley was down to the final piece of the door made from peas. Carefully, she toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. She finished her final course. Miley had eaten the entire front door of the house made from peas.
The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"
"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little girl won fair and square. Now hand over Loveshade Bear or I will chop your broomstick in half."
The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.
Miley hurried over and grabbed Loveshade Bear, checking that her favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Loveshade Bear was unharmed.
Miley thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Pope Hildegard. It was starting to get dark.
When Miley got to Pope Hildegard's house, her aunt threw her arms around her.
"I was so worried!" cried Pope Hildegard. "You are very late."
As Miley described her day, she could tell that Pope Hildegard didn't believe her. So she grabbed a napkin from her pocket.
"What's that?" asked Pope Hildegard.
Miley unwrapped a doorknob made from muffins. "Pudding!" she said.
Pope Hildegard almost fell off her chair.