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Palm tree

The palm tree Judean Tàmâr is a sacred Discordian plant. And for good reason.

History[]

All true Discordians know that when Eris was snubbed by not being invited to the wedding of Peleus and Thetis, she sought solace by eating a kosher hot dog without a bun. But few know what kind of bun it was that she did not eat!

Eris did not eat a cinnamon babka bun. But not just any babka bun, no. She did not eat a bun made with honey, pistachio, and dates from the date palm tree. Being bees, the flying insects ignored the ignoring of their sweet regurgitation. And the pistachios noticed nothing, being nuts.

But the date palm noticed. The poor tree thought "the original snub" was not Zeus against Eris, but Eris against the tree! So the date palm, which had been a staple crop and a source of food, shelter, shade, and medicine, and a symbol of good fortune, and known for its fertility, and was named Judean, and was also named Tàmâr, became faklempt. But instead of telling Eris to "fak off," it sunk into depression. It felt it had lost face. While it had once stood tall in the Jordan River valley from the Sea of Galilee in the north to the Dead Sea in the south, it stopped growing. It stopped at a mere eighty feet tall with a spread of seven miles. And then it sunk.

Renewal[]

But the date palm named Judean (Tàmâr) was not lost forever! While it was known for its dates, those dates weren't with other trees. It dated itself. And it had spilled its seed all over the place.

But good luck would eventually come! Two times 23 years after the Discordian renewal began, in 2005 scientists used those seeds to regrow the date palm! It now knows it wasn't snubbed, for Eris had eaten the bunless hot dog not because she snubbed hot buns. It was because she ate the hot dog alone so the only buns she had were her own. And it's not kosher to eat your own buns. Not that Eris has to be kosher.

Legacy[]

  • The Judean date palm is the mascot of Jews for "Bob"
  • The Judean date palm which sunk was the inspiration for the Discordian game Sink.
  • The Judean date palm which felt it lost face was the inspiration for the facepalm.
  • Manly men on a date often like putting their hot dog in a bun.
  • Discordian and SubGenius men who can't get dates often substitute by using their palm.


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