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The Paper Clip Sacrifice

To perform a Paper Clip Sacrifice one (who shall now be known as the clipperer) must first locate paper clips (what shall now be know as victims). After locating a suitable amount of victims; the clipperer must bend, rip, burn, melt, twist, snoggle, molest, rend, chew, defecate upon, freeze, fondle, digest, ingest, ungest, regurgitate, mourn, apologize to, become infatuated with, date, fall in love with, break up with, hate, get back together with, engage, abandon, beg for forgiveness from, marry, beat, divorce, kill, and laugh at each and every victim, group of victims, or all victims at once. This process may be modified to personal preference, or non-preference as the case may be, or by any other reason that lacks sense.

The amount of victims to be sacrificed is carefully calculated by each clipperer in accordance with the Law of Fives. ex. 3, 14, 15, 69, 64, or 379,134,020 (((3+7+9+1)x3+40)/20). Size of the victims included is determined by the equation: width of nipples from left to right multiplied or divided by the length of any hair on the clipperer's body using any form of measurement. weight of the paper clips is most important in the ritual having to be exactly 1/5th the weight of one of the clipperer's fifth fingers. The importance in the weight, length, and amount of victims is to provide something useless to do so as to not be productive on the most unhappy of happy wholly holy days.