The pineal gland is the small part in the back of the brain that allows direct conversation with Eris.
Sit in a room that is appropriately designed to induce trancelike states; a white noise machine or a television tuned to C-SPAN both work equally well. Some people try sniffing glue on the eighthird day of the week, but this is not recommended for those who have an oxygen dependency. Chant a mantra that is based upon haiku, such as:
Om nama rama bring me my yama mama pass it to the pig oink.
If you have trouble activating your pineal gland, then try the appendix which does almost as well.
NOTE: the POEE Resource centre is not responsible for the occurrence of ruptured appendices when using this method, you could also try your glossolalia, but there are no guarantees there either and people will probably think you're nuts - remember if they think you're nuts the gig is up.