Pope Hilde, born Hilde Frances Pope, is a writer and philosopher who worked as a secretary for the Unified Catholic Church. A typographical error caused her to be listed in church records as Pope Hilde. She then became the Catholic Church's first woman pope.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Hilde was raised in an all-girl orphanage overseen by Sister Hooter. This greatly upset her parents. Her favorite pastimes as a young girl were sewing, knitting, writing poetry, and making out.
While still a teenager, she became pregnant. As the students and staff at the orphanage were all female, this was declared to be immaculate conception by Father Fundament during one of his frequent visits. Her son Carl was taken in by Fundament who said "the boy looks just like his father--his heavenly father."
Shamlicht Kids Club[edit | edit source]
- Main article: Shamlicht Kids Club
Hilde was a founding member of Shamlicht Girls, a club started by Sister Hooter. Captain "Sesame Seed" Rogers had founded the club Shamlicht Boys at about the same time, and the two merged. So did the kids' clubs. The original girls club became the SKC's Pink Vipers Nest, and Hilde later became assistant leader.
While helping with the club, Hilde gave birth immaculately to a daughter named Erisa and a son named Phillip. The girl and boy were taken in by Father Fundament who said "they both look just like their father--their heavenly father."
Journalism[edit | edit source]
In 2014, Hilde received a degree in journalism from Miskatonic University. Often when sitting on the pontifical throne, she writes on Church issues for Intermittens Magazine, S23, and the Kerry Thornley Kerista Kommune.
Honors[edit | edit source]
She has been the Catholic Church's pope since 13 March 2013. Because of church sexism against women, her official name as pope was changed from the feminine Frances to the masculine Francis.
Her official list of titles as Pope, in the order in which they are given in the Anusario Pontificio, is: Bishop of Gnome, Vicar of Yeesuz, Successor of the Price of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Tuva, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Romany Province, Sovereign of Vaticon, Servant of the servants of Odd.