Subgenius Universal Church of Kallisti

Subgenius Universal Church of Kallisti

Subgenius Universal Church of Kallisti is a Discordian-SubGenius Clench-Cabal. The Church was formed on Friday the 13th, October 13, 2023. It's also called S.U.C.K.

Founding

Motel Sex logo.

On Friday the 13th in October 2023, Kallias Fausto was alone practicing karate while bobbing in the pool at the Springfield Motel Sex. Meanwhile Pislode was shooting by while holding and getting ready to eat a bunless hotdog. But then Pislode saw the lone practicing karateka, So Pislode handed the hot dog to Buddy Asstain who was trying to pet the seal Selkey, and then the shooter jumped into the pool. Still at poolside, Buddy took the hotdog and tried feeding it to Selkey. But the seal was more interested in getting back into the pool. Then Buddy dropped the hotdog which fell and hit Selkey, knocking the aquatic mammal back into the pool. Then Kallias, Pislode, and Selkey all pulled Buddy into the pool with them. They all bobbed in the water and ate the hotdog together. Thus was born the Subgenius Universal Church of Kallisti.

Mission

The Sacred Mission of the church is both Discordian and SubGenius. It's to travel to Motel Sexes across the world and teach. The lesson is for everyone to share a bunless hotdog on a Friday while bobbing in a pool at a Motel Sex. Taking a hot dog outside of a bun before eating it teaches Discordianism, and the bobbing teaches the SubGenius principle of Slack.

Members

Founders

• Sister Selkey
• Uncle Pislode
• Constable Buddy Asstain
• Karate-ka Kallias Fausto

Flounders

• Marshall Dancin
• Blade Bane
• Eate Sheete
• Onion Orion
• Amadoor
• Wynyardian
• Stafemberod
• Throgen
• Regor Mortis
• Bear Baller

Events

Founding: October 13, 2023 (Friday) at Motel Sex in Glen Rosecea, Texas. Installation of four charter members.

1. First Annal Reunion: November 17, 2023 (Friday) at Motel Sex in Springfield. Installation of new member Marshall Dancin.
2. Second Annal Reunion: December 15, 2023 (Friday) at Motel Sex in Springfield. Installation of new members Blade Bane, Eate Sheete, Onion Orion.
3. Third Annal Reunion: January 5, 2024 (Friday) at Motel Sex in Springfield. Installation of new members Stafemberod, Wynyardian, Amadoor, and Throgen (the SWAT team).
4. Fourth Annal Reunion: February 30, 2024 (Friday) at Nowhere.
5. Fifth Annal Reunion: March 22, 2024 (Friday) at Motel Sex in Springfield. Installation of new stagflation.
6. Sixth Annal Reunion: April 33 ,2024 (Friday) at Nowhere.
7. Seventh Annal Reunion: May 3, 2024 (Friday) at Motel Sex in Springfield. Installation of new member Regor Mortis.
8. Eighth Annal Reunion: June 7, 2024 (Friday) at Bear Nuked. Installation of new member Bear Baller.