Not to be confused with The Good Reverend Roger.
The Good Roger Roadkill (born 5 July 1998) is a professional waterballer. At the 2024 Winter Olympics, Roger became the first Olympian in history to win three Olympic gold metals in a poker game. That was played in a pool. Underwater.
Early life[]
Roger was born July 5, 1998, at X-Day in Dallas, Texas, in America. His birth name was Roger Bundy Dahmer Gein-Gacy Ripper Jackson. His parents were Dorcas Daniel Davide Doksani, Mads Mihaj Wahome Wehr, Bethel Štor Constance Kisil, and Sakhile Honoka Ivan Tsktsk-Taylor.
At a very young age, Roger like getting in the water and playing with his balls. This was particularly noticed by one of his teachers, Miss Fannie Pearl Pleasant Dumont. His teacher noticed that, for a three-year-old, he was particularly good at it.
She had him show his ball playing skill to Coach Couch Coochie, also known as Coach Coochie Couch. The coach was impressed. So C.C.C. taught the child how to play with softballs, baseballs, tennis balls, golf balls, volleyballs, basketballs, and bowling balls. Roger, though, was most interested in pool balls. But the coach didn't teach pool, so threw Roger in the water. Roger instantly started swimming. He then became known as Roger Water.
Roger was scheduled to be flown to make a commercial for children's toys on Radio Row in Lower Manhattan in New York City. That was on September 11, 2001. Unfortunately, the flight got cancelled. Then Radio Row went out of business to make room for the Twin Towers. These were a couple of very tall basketballers who both played for the World Trade League as centers.
On February 2, 2002, Roger missed a chance to play with the Twin Towers as his mother got the date mixed up. (The date was 02 02 2002 and she thought the meeting was planned for 02 02 2020).
By age eight, Roger was the most talented kid in his 3rd grade class at floating pool balls, including the cue ball and eight ball. The other kids pool balls sank to the bottom. Then Roger would dive down and remove balls from the bottom.
Olympics Career[]
At age 14, Roger made the Olympics tryouts. He was scheduled to play for the West America Waterball Team at the 2012 Olympics in London, England. But his mother heard that the London Olympic Theatre had been demolished in 1904. That was to make way for the Aldwych. His mother was afraid of Aldwych, which she thought was the British word for "Old Witch." So she cancelled her son's flight for the London Aldwych Pleasure Saucer. Roger thus missed the XXX Olympics.
In 2016, Roger made the Olympics East America Waterball Team. But his mother heard that the games were far away in South America, and that the South American Trump Tower had fallen in 2001. So she cancelled her son's flight on Clinton Hill Airlines.
In 2020, Roger was selected for the Olympic Waterball Team for Weast America. He was scheduled for flight 19 with Covid Airlines. He didn't tell his mother, so she didn't cancel that flight. But the Olympics got moved up to 2021. And his mother cancelled that flight.
In 2024, Roger told his mother the Olympics were planned not for Paris, France, but for Paris Mountain State Park in South Carolina. He said because that was in America, he wouldn't fly. He'd walk. But secretly, he went to the Olympics in Paris, France. He of course didn't walk, but also didn't take a plane. He swam all the way there.
That year, Roger played for the Fake America News Waterball Team. It was the largest team in American history. At that event, Roger set the world's record for most balls played with in the water in one hour. Unfortunately, the competition only lasted for half an hour. So Roger was disqualified.
But Roger did win three Olympic gold medals!